


5 Facts about Voices

by Locknkey1



Series: Eye of the Beholder [2]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Attempted Murder, Cats, Eldritch Abomination Kevin (Welcome to Night Vale), Gen, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kevin was happy, No Beta, Post-Strex Kevin, Pre-Strex Kevin (Technically), kevin is sad, now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:34:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21590044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Locknkey1/pseuds/Locknkey1
Summary: Five facts about Voices and Kevin's terrible experiences with them. Also known as "How Strexcorp takes all the fun out of being an Eldritch Abomination" or "Kevin is sad (but he also used to have an adorable cat)".
Relationships: Kevin (Welcome to Night Vale) & Charles, Lauren & Kevin (Welcome to Night Vale), Strexcorp & Kevin
Series: Eye of the Beholder [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1553263
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32





	5 Facts about Voices

**Author's Note:**

> It is not necessary to read the previous work(s) in this series.  
> Also, I have no beta so all my mistakes are mine and will always be mine. (I blame half of them on the fact that I wrote most of this in the middle of the night.)

After becoming a Voice, the single most inescapable concept in Kevin's life was thus: a Voice was not human. There were many reasons why Voices were not human. Most of these reasons could be summed up into five facts.

1\. A Voice would never age.

When he was a new radio host, Kevin thought immortality would be amazing, and it was. At least until his younger brother died of old age. He realized that everyone he loved would die before he did.  
While the Voice remained ageless, his nephews and nieces grew from toddling babies to sassy teenagers to stressed adults. Then, he watched as they had their own children. He watched them all live and die, and it hurt.  
When his last great-great-grandnephew died, and he was the last living member of his family, the radio host cried for hours. The next morning, Kevin went back to work. No one could tell anything was wrong. No one could see that a little piece of his heart was missing.  
Strexcorp loved that their mouthpiece would never get older. It made them much more productive because they didn't have to find a replacement radio host every twenty years. 

2\. A Voice could see everything in their domain without moving from their seat. 

Before Desert Bluffs was taken over by Strexcorp, he would be able to check on his family, friends, and cat, named Ayu, [1] without ever leaving his bed. More often than not, the people he spied on could sense that he was checking up on them and would wave or nod in the general direction of the invisible gaze. Ayu could always tell when Kevin was watching him and would usually roar at the lazy Voice to come down and feed him.  
After Strexcorp took over, they took advantage of this trait to limit Kevin's range of movement. Stating that he didn't need working prostheses [2] when he was broadcasting. This did make Kevin very productive because his legs would remain locked in the same position during the whole broadcast, ensuring that he couldn't leave. 

3\. A Voice could be in two places at the same time. 

This used to be Kevin's favorite trait. Often while he was broadcasting, Kevin would go get ice cream or chocolate chip cookies from the local dessert shop in the name of journalism and culinary reviews. It also allowed him to conduct face-to-face interviews outside the radio studio without ever pausing the broadcast.  
Strexcorp decided that this ability gave the radio host too much freedom. Every time he showed signs of using this particular ability, the metal belt permanently affixed around his waist would shock him with 40,000 volts of pure electricity, just enough to remind him, but not enough to knock him out and reduce the Voice's productivity. 

4\. A Voice had an extra eye and several extra limbs. 

Or, at least, they were supposed to. Every Voice received these extraneous body parts when they became a voice. Kevin's predecessor claimed that they were once used as deadly weapons. Kevin simply used them to hold his coffee and pet Ayu while he typed up the non-adlibbed part of the next day's script.  
Strexcorp didn't know what to do with these. They did nothing to reduce the radio host's productivity. In fact, the extra body parts might have increased Kevin's productivity. Originally, Strexcorp planned on just leaving them alone.  
Charles, the scientist with teeth like a Steinway and eyes as dark and hard as obsidian, didn't like the Voice's superfluous appendages. Two months after Strexcorp bought Desert Bluff's Community Radio station, Kevin woke up in an empty room, with an aching head and back. He didn't know why there were stitches in the shape of a crescent on his forehead. Or why his back burned.  
When he went back to work the next day, Kevin couldn't help but notice that his co-workers were acting odd. They were very pointedly, not staring at his forehead or back. 

5\. A Voice cannot die.

Strexcorp, Lauren, and Charles all know this fact from personal experience.  
Originally, Strexcorp wanted to *ahem* gently remove Kevin from all existence. Unfortunately for them, the radio host would not die. They tried to kill him with bullets, bombs, and poison. Nothing worked.  
Lauren was created to be Kevin's replacement. From the moment she was created (many years before Strex started to buy Desert Bluff businesses), she was prepped to be an Artificial Voice. Regrettably, an Artificial Voice, even an Artificial Voice backed by a Smiling God, was still not as powerful as a real Voice. Lauren believed killing Kevin would turn her into a Voice. She used knives, garrotes, and radioactive pastries as weapons. Once, she completely removed Kevin's head. Unphased, he simply grew a new one.  
Charles was fascinated with Kevin and his unusual anatomy. He learned so many new things from the radio host's old appendages that he wanted to study the original body. After learning about Strexcorp and Lauren's failed attempts at homicide, he was even more intrigued. It was sooo interesting. Charles had a lot of fun experimenting with Kevin's deathless physique. 

Out of all of the Voice's traits, the fifth one was his least favorite. 

[1] Ayu was the best kitty cat in the world. Or at least Kevin thought he was the best kitty cat in the world. His neighbors thought Ayu was a demonic lion-beast who would eat them if they stepped on Kevin's lawn. Kevin didn't care what his neighbors thought. Ayu was the best cat. Why wouldn't he be? He was cute, fluffy, and made the most adorable noises when Kevin pet his belly. Ayu was also semi-immortal and ate all of the stray coyotes and javelinas that wandered into town, which is cute...right? Unfortunately, Ayu ran away when Strexcorp and the Smiling God came to Desert Bluffs. The archaic symbols he left behind said something about a... pantheon dispute?

[2] Kevin's prostheses connect the tibia to the patella in both of his legs and act as replacements for his patellar ligaments. When Strexcorp disables them, the prostheses no longer move. This prevents Kevin from bending or stretching his legs, depending on the position he takes when he sits down.

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry. You can yell at me in the comments. 
> 
> PS: If you want to know more about Kevin's prostheses there is a more detailed description in the previous work in this series.


End file.
